Happy Halloween!

Des went out Trick-or-Treating this year for the first time. We decided he'd make a pretty cute lumberjack so I made him a shirt and a hat and bought him a little toy ax. (the hat looks waaay cuter with the ear flaps down but he wasn't having it so we had to stick them up. I'll try and see if I can have a happier/sunnier photo shoot this week.)

This is how the night started:

grumpy, grumpy, grumpy...

But once we hit a few houses and he figured out that they were ALL GIVING HIM CANDY, well, this was going to be aaaaalll-riiight.

Des and daddy (it was raining so Kolt had his hoodie on.)

"Heee's a lumberjack and he's OK! He sleeps aaaall night 'cus he works aaall day!" (name that sketch)

Des yelling at some kids who were in front of us, "NO!"  Not sure why he was having issues with them...maybe  he thought they'd steal all the candy?

for some reason he always grabbed the snickers bars--but that's just more for us! Wahoo!

oh man, POPCORN!! (not like he's ever had popcorn before, but he wouldn't give it up for anything.

 By the end of the night he was saying, "Trick-Treat" at the doors and telling them thank you, running to the next house and knocking before his cousins could catch up, and thoroughly enjoying all the dogs in the neighborhood. I'd say Halloween was a smashing success. And yes, he even had a sugar-high when we got home and seriously was running and falling and laughing and screaming until past his bedtime. Too much sugar for this little guy.

I swear I didn't teach him this

Des figured out a fun game a few weeks ago. He put a pillow by the end of our couch and happened to fall on it once. Then he thought it was pretty cool so he did it on purpose again. Then mom suggested that he put a few more pillows down to keep his cute head from splitting and before we knew it, he was a jumper.

money shot!

ready to jump!

My favorite part was he wouldn't jump off until I started chanting, "Jump! Jump! Jump!" then he'd square up and go. Crazy kid.

We're ready for Halloween!

Any guess what Des is gonna be?

A hunting we did go...

des was stricken with a case of blue mouth/blue hand syndrome. The cure? Stop feeding him blue M&M's.

not the best picture but it sums up how most of the hiking went.

Notice the severe lack of pictures of deer. yeaahh. But it was still fun and Des did really well driving around in Baba's truck for hours and hours.

Next time, Bambi. Next time...

Deodorant and Comet

Ok, so I'm just tired of reading the first few lines of my last post every time I log on to my computer...

Here's an update:

We're doing much better than I would've thought four days ago. Mostly Des and I have been playing and cleaning since my energy has returned. Which was nuts because it was almost overnight. Somehow we all talk ourselves into thinking we're not reaaaally that tired and its just a pregnancy and we must be smoking crack or something. And then you return to normal and wow. I really was that tired. Even my dad commented on the fact that I was up and doing, like, stuff. and cooking, like, food. and not toast. Woh.

Destry has officially grown 4 molars--two in complete secret and two in complete and utter horribleness. Not sure why the top ones didn't hurt him. He's also taken up screaming. randomly. It's not for the feint of heart. But we're working on establishing our "quiet voice" and recently instituted a new rule: screaming = bedtime. So it only happens a few times a day now.  And I've noticed an upswing in the amount of stuff that goes in his mouth. I'm pretty sure it's from those stinking molars and the need to "teethe" on stuff. But yesterday that meant licking dad's deodorant while mom was showering. And then saying, "mmmmmmmm" and going back for more. Ugh. So we called Poison Control and had a pretty good laugh. Even the lady there giggled a bit. And we're in their system so, you know, we're like totally cool. Although she did mention the fact they don't look up past incidents so they won't think terrible thoughts when they realize your kid has a habit of licking inedible objects...someday destry will ask us why he's the way he is. We'll say, "Deodorant and Comet, Des. Deodorant and Comet."

what to say

I laid there in bed, with the covers up to my chin, not moving. I was afraid to move because I knew once I did the numbness would go away. The numbness was a relief for me. But it couldn't last forever. The baby needed to be changed. Dad needed to be rescued. Apparently I was the only one with the qualifications to address an "up his back" sorta diaper. But I still just laid there. Slowly I started to direct: do this, try that. But I could already feel reality coming back. It started at my heart and  swelled through my arms, up my neck--choking me mid-sentence.

I took a deep breath and swung my legs out from their warm cocoon. Life couldn't wait for my heart to make sense of it all. Tears stung my eyes and I quickly blinked them away. I scooped up the baby (although he really isn't a baby anymore) and proceeded with the diaper situation.

After a quick bath, a new diaper, and a few treats to get him to dinner the baby scampered off and I was left to my thoughts again. Dad went out to cope in his own way by "fixing that sprinkler" and I puzzled over how to break the news. I find its always easier to write than to talk so I took my aching heart and started to scribble a few things, hoping to ease the pain and clear my own confusion.

I've always known that God has a plan for me and my family. I've always known that God's plan isn't necessarily what I've planned and almost never on the same time schedule.  I've always known that losing a baby just means that God's plan and time schedule called for that little life to go home early. What I didn't know was how hard it was to accept what I previously "known". I guess I could chalk it up to ignorance or lack of understanding. But then again I've discovered that because I've "known" those things before I can sort of lean on my ignorant self until the healing begins.

The purpose of this post is really two things: help my family and friends understand what has happened and help myself understand what has happened. Life sort of came to a crawl today as we found out our 9-week old baby really only made it to 5-weeks. We're in the process of accepting right now so if I'm MIA for a while, that's why. (not like I've been super-bloggy lately anyway) I've tried to think of a good way to break the news and this is the easiest way for me. So don't take offense if you had to find out "on my blog" its not you, its me.

I do know one more thing: that my Heavenly Father loves me more than I can understand and I know that he'll be there to comfort me. I'll be needing it the next few days. I know my Savior suffered all this as well and He'll be able to take the pain away. As I contemplate what it means to be a mother I realize that it doesn't always mean I get to be the one to raise my children. I am grateful that I have my healthy boy now and I'll have more healthy children later, and now I have one sweet tiny muffin that I'll get to meet some day.

Do lots of good, sweet one, because if I get up there and you've been slacking off and messing around you're totally grounded.

The day we went to Cornbelly's

We started out with Whistle Wok

Des' first fortune cookie

Then we were off to Cornbelly's. Des got to ride around in this sweet bin-thingy

They had a Grain Train. It wasn't too exciting but Des sat still for a while so that was nice...

Coloring with dad

Pretty sure this was his favorite part, the Corn Box. 12 inches of corn to play in. It was pretty nuts.

We tried the kiddie corn maze and Des led the way

Getting a drink of dad's Powerade.

Off again!

nothing but corn as far as the eye could see...

Farmer Des had some serious fun, we'll definitely go back next year!!